i wish

every night before i go to bed, i would secretly make a wish. a wish for i will never wake up, until things are fine.

i just wish we could be back together.

i just wish i was good enough for you.

i just wish you loved me.

i just wish you could be happier.

i just wish i could forget about you.

i just wish things could get better.

i just wish to never wake up.

i just wish ......... to die.

my scars are healing, my scars are fading. the temptation to do it is so high, but i can't. i mustn't. but why does it feel so good to feel the pain on your wrist? why does it feel so good, to see the blood flowing down from your hand. idk, maybe it's because, i know that those pain i go through physically, could never be compared to the pain i suffer mentally. that's why i need to numb myself, to let myself feel pain on the outside to cover up the pain i feel in the inside. but it's not working, because after the blood stops flowing, after my hand stops feeling pain, everything came back. how? what am i going to do? i really don't know. i'm just so useless, so worthless......

how i wish, the pain in my heart, could heal as fast as the cuts on my hand.