Wim, i dont know what to do.

The reason i came here is because i couldnt write on facebook.

I didnt want him to know its him.

I didnt want to let him know that i like him.

Cause me myself dont know what's happening.

Do i truly love him? Or i just use him to forget retriever again?

I really dont know, but . I want to reply him here.

Even though i know he wont be able to see, but at least i wrote down.

You know? Its not about this. You will never understand.

Its not that i didnt want you to appear on my newsfeed, 

is just that, my heart hurts. Cause you can update your status.

Why not text me? Seriously, am i that annoying?

And you update those things that i shouldnt see.

I mean, i didnt want to see. 

And you said you wanna delete me, delete me? 

Are you serious? If you are, go ahead. :') 

I wont speak, not opening my mouth. Nothing. 

Like what Aiai said in the afternoon. 

'So what i talked to him, will we ever patched? So what we've patched?

Will he ever trust me that much again? Will he love me as much as how he do before?

No right, cause its like you loved and trusted that guy so much,

but then by the time you turn your head, the guy leave you.

That kind of feelings, you understand? '

Now i truly understand, im sorry to throw away a treasure and picked up a useless stone.

I regretted doing it. Not alot, but i do.

Actually, i seriously dont know what im thinking.

I feel sad when k didnt text me, i feel heartbreak when i see those stupid status.

But at the same time, 

i feel sad when i see retriever's status, i feel heartbreak when memories flashed back.

So what am i exactly thinking? 

My heart is crying, its screaming like some lunatic. But what can i really do?

Always putting up the widest smile i can.

Hiding everything in my heart. And nothing else.

I realize, i got no one. Exactly NO ONE to turn to when im down.

Precious? She would listen, but then i dont really dare to tell her.

I dont know why, maybe is because she said she wont care anymore?

Maybe its because that its about relationship? About Retriever? I really dontknow.

Graceyy? I dont know how to tell her, i mean. I do tell her some things.

But this? Its weird.

Erin? I told her nothing, she knew nothing. So is awkward to suddenly turn to her.

There's no guys i can really turned to. What should i do? 

Hiding in the room, hiding one corner. Crying? Crying myself to sleep?

Everyday? No, it shouldnt be like this. Life shouldnt treat us like that. Right?

Why? Why am i getting all this? Karma? What i did? Im sorry .... D':