I lied about how strong I am, I lied about how I can take everything down. I lied about I won't break down and cry. I lied about everything, and anything. But I never lied about promises, I never lied about not leaving you and most of all. I never lied about loving you and being there for you when you needed me or something.
I actually really don't understand, and I don't know, whether should I feel guilty or upset about all this lying. "White lies" they called.
I may seem really happy and flirtatious, but ever wonder why? Some says : "people acting like sluts because they don't wanna get hurt, and people are sluts, simply because they got hurt." People who are close to me know that I'm really pure (or maybe they don't believe but I know I am) , but what's the exact reason for me to act like this? Because all the fucking unknown strangers are always bitching about me, spreading rumors like how Marcus, Jiamin and they're butch of friends spreading some bullshits. So what for fighting against them, fighting back? Everything is just so pointless because I know no one would ever believe me. So just let it be, ignore everything. Isn't it the best way? Strangers 做初一，我做十五。As simple as that, right? They say what I am, I be what they said. I flirt, and be a "slut".
But being this way wasn't what I want really either, can anyone of you even feel what I'm feeling now? I can't explain how suck, but it just sucks. But there's nothing else I can do, cause stupid people like them spread rumors, and retarded people listen and believe it hah. Butch of idiots. So you think me being this way, I'm happy? If you're thinking this way, you are so fucking wrong. Because I am not.
Being always called a slut or a bitch, who would feel good to hear that? No one right, duh? Being so flirtatious isn't good either, I don't even want to be but guess what? I've got no choice cause I'm a slut LOL *insert laughing with tears emoji* Reasons why I said being too flirtatious is not good? 1: you'll be called a bitch DUH LOL 2: guys will never take you seriously cause they know you're not serious at all. 3: you'll forever be alone cause you're alone. Ok maybe only to me HAHA cause I forever single :x okay actually all this ain't the point.
My point is, when I'm talking to one particular guy but I have to act like I am talking to a bunch of guys because he is talking to a bunch of girls and I don't want him think like I'm very pathetic or something. Maybe this is just my thinking, but yeah it's my thinking. I just feel like, I might fall anytime but he wouldn't. And the worst thing is? He act like he will fall too, doing sweet thing, talking sweet talks and giving me false hope. Hello? Like seriously? I don't need you to fall for me one uh, just don't act like you would can already pls. I might not be able to take it.
So yeah, shall end my post here? Everything is jumble up I don't even know what I'm saying also LOL okthxbai.
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