"suicide"

"you're sitting at your desk. you know its time to go. you've said that to yourself a million times. but this time you know, for sure, it's real. you're tired. you're just so very tired. your parents pissed you off. and school was bad enough today. you go to get the rope, with a knife or anything you choose to use because you're just that desperate to leave. you're ready. you think about it like some game. the first one dead, is the first one who wins. no one's home. its the perfect time. you're ready. if you don't do it now, you're just gonna look down on yourself more, forever. you're just gonna hate yourself even more. no one knows. no one will know, until later on. so you just get a paper and a pen, you got the video camera and along with a chair. you're standing on the chair, you decide to go with the rope. you will be gone instantly and nobody will know, no noise. one side of the rope is tie to the top of the fan while the other is all ready around your neck. you're in tears and you know its real this time. you can feel it. you turn on the video camera and just stare at the red light blinking upon your eyes. you start to mumble out a few words; mum and dad, i'm sorry. i don't know why i'm sorry but i'm sorry. i just can't do this anymore. i don't even know who i am anymore. i've lost myself and i cant seem to find my way back. please don't blame yourself please. i love you both. please tell my sibling the same. stay strong and stay safe. i will see you all soon. you say sorry to your best friend because you know you wont be there for her anymore. especially when she needs you more than ever. you say sorry to everyone you can think of, even yourself. you're sorry for not being strong anymore, you're sorry for breaking down. you're sorry for putting them through so much pain in their life. you stare once again at the red light blinking upon your eyes. one foot is off the chair now as you begin to mouth the word 'goodbye'. you have the remote control to turn off the camera in your right hand. your pointer finger on the off button, you click that button and as soon as you see that light go off, you go off. both feet are now off the chair. that chair is on the floor. the room is filled with silence. you're dead. you're gone. there is no going back. everything is over. you don't have to live in pain anymore. but everyone else will."

"what are your parents gotta think? what about your sibling? what are they gonna do? you're gone, you're dead. there is no going back. you ended your life, because the person you love don't love you back, because he leave you? you ended your live because that one teacher was harder on you than anyone else in the class because she knew that she were the only one that was going on someone un-live?"

"your parents are home now. they call your name telling you that they're home just like normally they do whenever they get home. but something's different. you don't answer. they don't hear your voice. they get worried. you always answer. they come upstairs thinking you're sleeping or showering. your mum opens your bedroom door and screams at the top of her lungs. she instantly passes out. your little sister hears her and comes up after her, she screams 'daddy help'. she run over to you hitting you like begging you to wake up, 'wake up. wake up please. stop. wake up.' but you don't answer, you're not waking up. you're gone, you're dead. there's no waking up, there's no going back. your dad come running upstairs and all he could do is stare. he watches his baby girl swinging back and fourth on a rope. he sees the video camera and he sees the chair. but he doesn't move, he's as stiff as a board. he cries. your dad never cries. he picks up the phone and call 911. he can barely get the words, 'my daughter committed suicide' out of his mouth. he's in tears. your little sister stares at your dad. he hangs up and she jumps right into your daddy's arms, crying harder than ever. she is too young to understand completely but she knows you're gone. she knows you're dead and she knows you're never coming back. everything is over. the cops finally arrive. they take your mum out of your room, and push your dad and sister out of your room. and now they're sitting in the living room. they take your body down off those ropes and lay you on the stretcher. they cover your body and out you go. just like that, in a blink of an eyes. everything happens and everything was over. you're gone, you're dead and there's no going back. nothing is the same."

"two weeks has past and your mum still stares out the window more than half of the day. sometimes even the whole day. your little sister still hasn't return to school. your dad is forced to go to work so he can pay all the bills for your wake and you funeral. eventually they find it strange to go back to your room. your door hasn't been open for two months. the rope is still laying on the floor, the same place the cops put it. and that video camera is still sitting on the table. they don't even dare to watch that video, it will never be seen. they slowly pick up the rope and throw it in the garbage. chills run up their spine, your mum basically in tears. they brush off your bed, making at it like they use to every morning after you went to school. your desk was empty, it don't have those sticky notes you use to leave before you ran for the bus saying 'have a good day mum, remember to smile.' or 'have fun at work dad (;' you pretended to be so happy, you even tricked yourself. your bed was made and your room was clean. they shut the door and they remain shut. your school is still in the stress. you thought no one cared and you thought no one noticed you. remember that girl that was your partner? yes, she cuts every single night now because she thinks that its her fault that you died. remember that boy that tripped you by accident, looked at you and didn't say sorry? ya, he's in suicide therapy. five days a week, in the hospital because he feels that smile can save your life but he didn't give that to you. do you remember that teacher that was hard on you that day? she quit her job because she felt she that she don't suit to teach anymore. you're gone, you're dead. there's no going back."

"four years have pass now, your sister is now 15 years old. she started a club in her school that's dedicate to you. secrets, it's what she calls it. the club is forms for kids to speak their hearts without anyone judging them. they can say anything they want to and talk about anything they needed to. if they were suicidal, they always have someone to talk to. that was your problem, you didn't want to talk to anyone. you had everything piled inside of you. you acted as if you were the happiest kid on the planet. and you acted as if you had a perfect life. you played that happy character so well that even you started to believe it. you would be so happy all day and as soon as you lay in bed that day, the thoughts came back. a little fight between you and your parents could have set you off. both everything inside of you piled up for years, you just hate your limits. you're gone, you're dead. there's no going back. your room will never be occupied. your mum still cried every single night. your dad isn't as strong as he used to be. your little sister will never grow up with you by her side, moving her to the right direction. she needed you. your best friend is still torn up. she needed you. your parents don't know what to do anymore. they needed you. your school now has a club dedicated to you, so teens will not make the same mistake as you did."

"your life was precious, but you took it away with a blink of an eye. all you needed was a smile, that's all you needed to show you that everything will be okay. but since you're gone, just thinking no people cared. people always have care and people always will care. you were just way too upset to see that back then. you were just too caught up in the fact that you thought no one cared. when the truth was, more people cared about you than you thought they would. and you know what sucks? it sucks that you see that only when you left. and you didn't see that when you were still here. your time would never be the same. our girl is gone, our special girl. our girl who thought that no one cared. everyone cared. i promise you. they care. they always have care, and they will care. we love you, and no matter what, we will still always love you."