b r o k e n X e m p t y

"you got tired, you got bored, you stopped loving, you left."

" because i can never , ever win in the game you called 'love' "

it was all so perfect, but just one mistake; everything's gone. everything changed. everything is different now. who do i blame? you? me? us? or no one at all? remember how a sweet couple we was back then? remember those "chasing days" we spent together? we can be with each other and not go home for four days. it was all so perfect, but what happened?

i miss you, i miss me, i miss us. i miss the past us. but there's nothing i can ask for already right? you've walked away. you've left me here, alone. i don't mean anything anymore. no love, no feelings, nothing. i've become one of your past, one of your history, one of those people who means nothing to you anymore. right? 

ever since you've walked out of my life, my life seems so empty. how do i put it? it just feels like everything is wrong. something in my life is missing. i don't feel happy, yet i don't feel sad either. i know i'm hurting, but i can't feel any pain. my life seems so meaningless now. there's nothing i look forward to anymore. every morning i opened my eyes, i just feel like closing it once again. there's no happy feeling like 'oh i should check my phone maybe you'd text me'. no, because i know you wouldn't. you left, and you're never coming back. i know, but i can't do any single shit about because i'm just so worthless. so useless. i can't even get something i really want in life. and i just let it go like that. i'm just so stupid ain't i? ha. 

i can really write a whole lot of paragraph saying how much i miss you, saying how much i did for you, saying how much i want you back in my life, saying what we did and what we've gone through for all this 4 months plus. but you know, what's the point? you're never gonna read it. you're never gonna come back. your feelings gone. you're gone. nothing is gonna be the same anymore. and yup, i can't do anything rather than sitting in front of this laptop typing feeling all so broken and empty. 

i'm not ready to let you go, i'm not ready to put it down. i don't want to. people are saying how much i'll hurt, how jerk you are, what you are doing behind my back, how many sluts you're texting so on and so fourth. i know, i know every single shit about you. but i kept quiet. i didn't blew it all out. i didn't want to believe. i didn't assume. i just kept quiet. i rather hurt myself, than to make you feel hurt. because that's just how much i love you. a part of me still believe that we would have a second chance. a part of me, still believes that you would change, just for me. a part of me still believes that, you love me. even when you say you don't. i don't know why, but yup i am this stupid. 

but you know, after all i've said in here. i still can't do any thing about it. we aren't even talking now. i know it's impossible for us to anymore. it's okay, when the time is here, i will let go. even if i can't. i know you can't be able to see this, but i would just want you to know that whatever i promised you. i haven't break any of them. i've stopped putting that stick in between my mouth. i've stopped drawing "arts" on my wrist. i've stopped being paranoid and sensitive (at least in front of you i didn't). i've stopped everything you asked me to. and i ain't wanting sympathy. i just want you. but you know, fuck it. if you want to assume and judge me. go ahead. i'm fine with it. 

i miss you stsy;

w much love, xoxo